SQUONK

Maybe a year or so ago Ben (one of my co-workers) and I discovered a book on cryptozoology. Immediately entranced, we decided that someday we were going to be cryptozoologists. Bookmans is fun and all, but hunting down mythological beasties would beat Bookmans any day!

I had kind of forgotten about the cryptozoological quest until Ben found another book, which was even better than the last one. This one is a field guide for North American monsters, and in addition to the usual culprits such as Sasquatch and El Chupacabra, this book includes the SQUONK.

The squonk is a sad little monster. It's very, very ugly: descriptions vary slightly, but it's generally agreed that it has loose folds of warty skin, and is a bedraggled, lumpy little creature. The squonk (who hails from Pennsylvania) is so ashamed of its appearance that it hides in forests and swamps and quietly sobs to itself. When seen by humans it becomes so distraught that it weeps itself away--it literally dissolves into a puddle.

Now since we're not murderous/sadistic types, we don't want the squonk to see us, because we don't want to kill one of the poor little creatures. But I'm thinking that sneaking up and taking a picture of the back of one could be a good beginning place for the career of a soon-to-be-renowned cryptozoologist.

So if you've seen any inexplicable puddles, or you've had a boring day at work and hunting down crypto-creatures sounds good, or you haven't cooked anything interesting in a week, and the only books you've read aren't worth writing about, and you need a new obsession; I highly recommend the squonk. Especially if you're having a bad day--at least you know that you won't end up crying yourself to death!