Gracious Grandmothers Club, part two

A few months ago I talked about a cookbook that I inherited from Noel's grandma. Today at work I was looking at that "Gallery of Regrettable Foods" cookbook, which includes dozens of horrifying food pictures like the one above. Inspired by those images (well inspiration may not be quite the right word) I decided that it was time to revisit the Gracious Grandmothers Club, and their litany of fabulous recipes.

I don't know exactly when this book was written, but judging by the type-setting and the plethora of disgusting jello recipes, I'm going to guess late sixties, maybe early seventies. Noel's grandma lived in Middletown, Ohio for most of her life, and these recipes seem pretty appropriate for a town named "Middletown". There are endless pages of suspicious sounding casseroles, fried things, heavily buttered vegetables, and actually some quite delicious sounding cookie recipes that I think I might actually try. If there's one thing midwestern grandmas get right, it's cookies.

Anyway, here are a few more gems for you to enjoy:

Salmon Squares

2 cups cooked rice

2 eggs, beaten

2 cups cottage cheese

1 (1 lb) can salmon, drained, flaked

1 small onion, chopped

1/4 cup chopped green pepper

2 tsp soy sauce

1 cup cracker crumbs

Combine all ingredients except crumbs. Spoon into a buttered 12 x 7 inch baking dish. Sprinkle cracker crumbs on top. Bake at 350 for about 40 minutes. Cut into squares.

Ok, I give this one some props for the soy sauce, which was a pretty unique ingredient in this book. Tess Young was trying to be creative I think. But cottage cheese and salmon mixed? This sounds gross to me, and I feel like the consistency is probably unnervingly wobbly. I do however like the specifity of calling it "Salmon Squares" and then also including "cut into squares" in the directions.

English Muffin Pizzas

1 lb ground beef

2 tbsp chopped onion

1 tsp horseradish

1/4 tsp pepper

1/2 lb sharp cheddar, grated

1 tbsp catsup

1 tsp ground mustard

1 tsp salt

1/4 tsp chilli powder

english muffins

Mix all ingredients, refrigerate. Slice English muffins. Spread mixture on untoasted side. Brush with melted butter. Put under broiler until done.

First of all, I'm normally a fan of English muffin pizzas--in my dorm days they were a pretty common staple. But this does not sound like pizza to me at all! It sounds like a weird meatloaf mixture, spread on a muffin, and then topped with BUTTER! Bleh. Plus, it doesn't specify whether or not the hamburger is supposed to be cooked, which is not reassuring. Kind of a midwestern steak tartare maybe? Because "put under broiler until done" doesn't sound like any kind of extensive e-coli-killing is occuring.

And here's what you've been waiting for: the prerequisite disturbing jello recipe.

Cinnamon Red Jello Salad

2/3 cup red cinnamon candies dissolved in 1 cup hot pineapple juice

Add 1 pkg lemon jello

and 1 1/2 cups crushed pineapple

Pour half into 8x8 pan, let set until firm.

Cream together:

8 oz cream cheese

1/2 cup chipped nuts

1/2 cup finely chopped celery

and enough mayonnaise to moisten.

Spread over set jello, pour remaining cold jello on top.

Pretty and red for Christmas.

No, I didn't add the last sentence. It was really there. In the recipe. Along with the pineapple, mayonnaise, celery, cream cheese, lemon jello, and cinnamon candies. Yum.